I have been pondering on this for awhile whether to share my life testimony because there is just so much to write about :P
Recently I have been asked on many numerous occassions on how I came to New Creation Church, how I became a born-again believer of God’s grace. I was more than happy to share because I can truly testify that I have never felt this alive before in my walk with God if it wasn’t for the revelation of God’s grace and righteousness through Pastor Prince’s teachings and all who have been so amazingly blessed by his ministry and effortlessly transformed
at the revelation of God’s grace.
So i’ll just share on this specific account for those who are interested to know and for those who may be able to relate to my story too :) I pray that it will bless and encourage you
too in your walk with God. God is never too far from you and is constantly pursuing you, courting and romancing His bride till you become One with Him :)
—
It was this depressing night when I was hanging out at this lonesome bar with my glass of whisky trying to numb the unspeakable pain and that deep sense of lonliness in my soul.
My heart was broken once again because of another warped wordly relationship. It was warped because that guy who cheated on his girlfriend with me and it was worldly because
we had alot of sexual intimacy without the grounds for commitments. It was yet another relationship because I had an equally destructive and abusive one before that. We started out together in a beach hotel and ended up in several other bars, pubs and even my cooridoor. And because I hung around with him alot, I started drinking just as much. He tried to satisfy his lonliness with my companionship even though he already had a girlfriend and I did likewise thinking I would never be so foolishly destroyed by sin. It was a foolish thought to start with and I got burnt real bad - my health, my finances, my smile, my performance at work,
my everything was wrecked in an instance because of that one wrong relationship it was in. So that night as I was sipping my whisky away, my soul was just so tired of the pain, so tired
of the striving, so tired of the condemnation, of the unworthiness, of the constant need to perform in order to appease without my own needs met, I had to vent my anger, I had to release my sorrow but I had no
one else to talk to. I wanted to let the guy know how broken I was, hoping he would be able to emphatize and thus shower me with the love I need. But I know that effort will be fultile and I’d be trapped in the same vicious cycle of indecisiveness of not being to choose me over the girlfriend.
Later would I know, it’s a very blessed thing that our relationship was eventually terminated forever.
I had to get the emotions out so I sent a text message to his number except that I changed the last digit of his number. I sent the message with the hope of no reply, the hope that no one will be crazy enough to attend to my utter brokenness because I could no longer trust the people around me. I added in the message that I was depressed that I could not even trust my previous church mates and also my trust in the Lord. I had lost all the ability to trust and to believe anyone, not even myself anymore.
Soon after I texted, a reply came. i was shocked beyond words yet I was curious to know what’s in the message. The person who was so kind to reply, was even more gracious to share the love of God with me. From a christian point of view, it was an act of grace. But from the sinner’s point of view, it was an insult to my depression and pain. I was enraged that my God whom I was tried to love so dearly, had seemingly abandoned me and yet chose to appear of all places, in my text message. I was angry why God didn’t choose to save me back then from all the pain I was going through but only when I was at the lowest point of my life, He came to my rescue. It felt like God was mocking at me and I felt even more insulted by the sharing of God’s truth in the message because I had onced believed yet I was disappointed again and again because I was striving by my self-effort with zero revelation of God’s grace - the essence of our Christian life. I thought that God couldn’t understand my pain and my needs..but that text message convinced me that I can never escape from the palm of God. God has time after time, pursued me. That text message wasn’t the first attempt of His pursual. But it was the most convincing and obvious evidence that I have a God who will never give up on me. The Lord’s patience surpasses all understanding. He is always there, always with me, so near, so near..but I didn’t know how to receive Him just yet.
So I replied back to that kind samaritan with words of anger, bitterness and resentment. But the person was patient enough to try to minister to my sorrow. I tried to throw him off and he eventually he stopped reply.
I was like good, I’m back to the comfort of darkness without the embaressment of God’s light. I was afraid of coming back to the presence of God, in fear that I would be condemned, that I’m not good enough for Him to shower His blessings on me. I felt that I wasn’t bearing fruits because I just wasn’t worthy for the Lord to use me, to shower His favor on me. I didn’t know that His heart longs for me and His complete desire is to see me blessed. Oh I had no idea what the unmerited favor of God was. I was hungry for God, so hungry for His revelations but I was working out the power of God without letting God to take complete dominion over me with His grace.
Few months later, it was soon July and I was still in contact with the guy. I had planned to celebrate my 21st birthday with him but as usual he broke his promise and didn’t turn up for our date. That was the last straw, that was my breaking point.
The entire day, I insulted him in every way my literature capacity allows me. I vented my anger on him in every way I know. Then it was finally night fall, I gave up the facade of trying to put up a brave front that I could live my life without him. I knew that I couldn’t, I knew that I didn’t know how. So I mourned aloud by the beach and strangely the more I cried, the stronger is that stirring in me to give up all hope of reviving that relationship and to return back to God. It was then I had an impression on me by the Lord that my life partner is not in this world but he is found within the body of Christ. Of course God has so much more to restore in my life other than providing me with a life partner but when I received that revelation, my spirit man couldn’t agree more. That was the moment
when I lost all of my taste in the man of the world, I lost every enthusiasm to go on dates. I had that strong conviction in me to bid goodbye to dating once and for all.
I know that I had to go back to church, but I didn’t know which church to go to. I didn’t want to go back to that church I was previously in because I had left that church too many times and somehow if I kept falling away, surely there has to be a better spiritual home for me. So the answer to this profound question was found in that mysterious samaritan messenger. We exchanged names one weekend afternoon when he sent me a message to ask how was I. The timing couldn’t be more perfect as he contacted me after the break-up. And it was through that timely conversation, when I was more calm and willing to listen, he shared with me that he’s attending New Creation Church as I probed to ask what was he doing on a Sunday afternoon.
Even the questions raised couldn’t be even more timely too than. God is truly the Author of time. He arranges our lives not of coincidences but purposedfully marking us at the right place, right time with the right people.
I googled for the New Creation website and read through Pastor Prince’s about page. And there and then, he shared about how christians are battling with condemnation and how God wants to set them free with His gift of grace and righteousness.
“Pastor Prince’s ministry as pastor, teacher, conference speaker and author continues to transform many lives, setting people free from the heavy yoke of the law, guilt and condemnation by pointing them to Jesus and His finished work at Calvary.
Pastor Prince believes the best in people and is committed to helping them discover how they can reign in life through the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness. His desire is to help this generation of believers understand the new covenant of grace and realise how greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved they are by their heavenly Father.”
And that was probably the first revelation I had about grace. I was eager to visit the church, eager to even attend their first morning service at 8.30am.
I reached at 8am, disappointed at the lack of seats left in the main auditorium where I know Pastor Prince will be preaching. I was contemplating whether to queue or to proceed to the 6th level immediately.
I didn’t want to miss the worship. I was anxious of whether I would feel the presence of God again. I was desperate to feel His Spirit move on the inside of me.
And the moment the worship started, I lifted my hands and I was singing in between sobs.. that spirit of worship just came through me. I praised and worshipped with all my heart, with the courage to believe in the love of God again.
Finally Pastor Prince appeared and he shared a timely word on the August 3rd 2011, on the gift of no condemnation, grace and righteousness. It was just the word I needed to hear and Pastor was preaching it as though he knew
I was there, desperate for the truth of God’s grace. Desperate to be reassured that I have been perfectly forgiven and love. Desperate to know the finished work of Christ. Desperate to know who my God is.
At the end of the sermon, every chain broke free, every condemnation, every darkness fled from my soul as the light of Jesus’s finished work shined into my life. I rededicated my heart and soul to my Lord and Savior again, freely this time with the full assurance of God’s unconditional acceptance. I proceeded to the prayer room for the visitors and new believers. There a lady attended to me and i cried in the comfort of her hugs.
Oh how much I missed the presence of God, His Word, His light..how I missed being so comfortable with Him.. oh how I missed being at home with the Lord.. oh how I missed worshiping my Lord..how I missed that intimacy.
It’s so good to be home, to where I truly belong.. I have been so in love with Him ever since, so in love with His perfect forgiveness, with His grace, with the person of Jesus.
My daily walk with God has been on the acceleator ever since as though the Lord is restoring and replenishing all that the devil tried to steal from me in the last 21 years.
Revelations after revelations. I was slapped on all sides with the blessings and favor of God. Though I was accelerating, transforming, changing, renewing at the speed of Jesus’s light, bursting and blossoming full of His potential,
yet even in the quickening of the Spirit, I’m completely at rest. The rest and peace which I longed for finally came to pass for me. There are times when I still struggle, but God’s peace is holding my mind, body and soul together. He will always hold me that day till the day I will meet my Savior in heaven. I was changed, inside out, I could now love and trust others, and enjoy my new-found friendships in the body of Christ.
I could finally rest in God’s love for me, just the way I am, perfectly loved and accepted.
Halleluyah :)
Romans 5:17
For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.)
